im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
