And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
