thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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