Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
