Where did you get a picture of my penis
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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