dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
