Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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