Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
