just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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