Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize