I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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