My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
