Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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