omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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