bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
