Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
