I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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