My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
