I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
