It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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