My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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