If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dicks are not precious.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
