Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
