I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
