I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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