my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
