Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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