jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
