my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
