Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
