i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
