Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
