So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
