I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
