i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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