Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was CRYING into my vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
