I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
