I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
