He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
