I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
