just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize