Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
