I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
