I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize