why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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