I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
