Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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