My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
