bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
