my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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