I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
