Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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