i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
