...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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