My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
