new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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