It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
