Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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