I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Go christen that room with your naked body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
