you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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