hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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