I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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