Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize