I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
