You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
