Tell her she can't have a vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
