can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Someone came in the potted fern
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
