Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
