We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
