I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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