I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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