I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
