It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's the barista slut.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
